Does Deep Tissue Massage Have to Hurt? The Truth About Pain and Healing
- Sandy Cole-Cross
- Oct 1
- 6 min read
Deep Tissue Reputation
Deep tissue massage has a reputation. For some people, it’s the “no pain, no gain” torture session where you walk out feeling like you’ve been hit by a truck. For others, it’s the miracle cure that fixes years of tightness in a single session.
So what’s the truth?
Does deep tissue massage really have to hurt to work?
Short answer: Nope.
Longer answer: It depends—on your body, your nervous system, and what your therapist is actually trying to accomplish.
Why Deep Tissue Massage Feels Different
Unlike relaxation massage, deep tissue isn’t about zoning out to spa music. It’s targeted, intentional work that focuses on the deeper layers of fascia and muscle.
That means:
Slower, stronger pressure that sinks into areas of chronic tension.
Specific strokes that follow muscle fibers and fascia restrictions.
A focus on function, not just “feels good.”
Think of it like bodywork that’s designed to restore movement and performance, not just relax you for the afternoon.
What exactly is Delicious Discomfort?
It’s that “hurts so good” feeling—the productive kind of ache that makes you think, “Oh yeah, that’s the spot.”
Here’s how to recognize it:
It feels like a deep, pressure-filled ache—not stabbing or tearing.
The intensity usually dissipates within about 15 seconds, or it gets lighter as your body adjusts.
You might notice a wave of release, warmth, or even a subtle shift in how the tissue feels under pressure.
It’s the kind of sensation that makes you want to exhale and lean into it, not run away from it.
That’s the magic of delicious discomfort: it’s your body letting go of tension it’s been holding onto. It’s not about crushing you—it’s about helping your muscles and fascia finally release.
How a Good Therapist Knows When to Back Off (or Keep Going)
Here’s something most people don’t realize: good bodywork isn’t just about applying pressure. It’s about reading the body in real time.
In the years I’ve been doing this, I’ve learned there are clear signs when it’s too much:
The tissue under my hands suddenly feels moist or blasts heat — that’s the body saying, “Whoa, this is intense.”
Clients stop chatting mid-story — usually that silence means I’ve hit a spot that’s demanding their full attention.
Breathing shifts, body language tightens, or subtle twitches show up.
When I see those signs, I pause. Sometimes I’ll cool things down, give them a beat, and then go back in — always with intention. Other times, I’ll laugh with my client because well they are laughing, talk them through it, or simply check in: “You good?”
Because, literally...
deep work isn’t about crushing you — it’s about partnering with your body.
And that brings me to my so-called “reputation.”
My Reputation: “She Puts People in Pain”
I hear it all the time. My reputation is that I “put people in pain to get their tension out,” or that I’m somehow “testing their manhood.” Let’s clear this up: I’m not testing anyone’s manhood. Period.
The people who usually say that? They’re the ones who don’t stretch, don’t roll out, and maybe see me once a year when their body finally screams at them loud enough. So yeah—when you land on my table once a year with tight ass muscles, it’s gonna hurt.
But here’s the thing: I strategize with my clients. Even if you don’t realize it, I’m always working with your body, not against it. And for those that think I'm testing their manhood, I literally ease up on them. I adjust my pressure with EVERYONE!
Yes—the first session usually hurts so good. Especially if you haven’t been on my table before or if it’s been forever since your last visit. I always tell people: the first compression is the worst. Truth, for real.
But real talk: when you see me regularly—weekly, every other week, or even every 3 weeks—the work shifts. That consistency gives me time to get through those tight layers, and it gives your nervous system time to trust and finally let go.
The funny thing? Your nervous system always remembers the pain. People love to say, “Ohhh, she’s gonna hurt me.” Ugh. LOL. But what they forget is that breakthrough moment:
First, we break through the energetic barrier (your body’s natural guard).
Then, the muscle barrier.
Then the second layer and beyond.
Over the years, I’ve noticed that by session 3 or 4, especially with weekly or bi-weekly, something shifts. Not just in your body, but in how our sessions flow. That’s usually when people start to feel lighter, move easier, and realize this isn’t just pain—it’s progress.
And!!! I can always tell when clients actually start doing their homework (stretching or rolling out at least once a week). Their muscles feel different. Their body responds faster. And when I see that, I make sure to acknowledge it—because that effort is a huge part of their healing.
Pain Is Gains… But Sometimes Softness Wins
Here’s the nuance most people miss:
In my world, pain is often gains. Athletes especially expect intensity—and yes, that’s usually what they need. But after 14+ years of doing this work, I’ve seen plenty of cases where deep, hard pressure wasn’t what the body needed at all.
When someone is dealing with an acute injury, flare-up, or even long-term chronic pain, the smartest approach is often to go softer.
Why? Because the nervous system runs the show.
Too much pressure can push the body into fight-or-flight (tighten, resist, guard).
Softer, slower work helps activate rest-and-digest, the parasympathetic response that tells the body it’s safe to release.
And science backs this up:
Massage therapy measurably reduces stress hormones like cortisol and increases parasympathetic activity—the “calm mode” your body needs for recovery.
Just 10 minutes of targeted massage improved heart rate variability (HRV)—a key marker of nervous system health and stress resilience.
So yes, pain can be gains—but sometimes softness is the smartest move.
Why Soreness Happens (and When It’s Okay)
Soreness is not the goal....yep! You heard it right!
Progress is the goal...ALWAYS.
Most people feel sore for a day or two after a deep session, like the soreness after a tough workout. That’s normal. But sometimes, especially if we’re working through chronic restrictions or long-held pain patterns, soreness can last longer sometimes.
That doesn’t automatically mean something went wrong.
In fact, here’s what I always tell clients:
👉 If the soreness lasts longer then you expected, don’t jump straight to panic mode. Talk to your therapist about it. Book another session. I promise—whether it’s me or another therapist—any good bodyworker will adjust strategy, ease up, and work with you to get your body deeper into those layers safely.
We’re not healers in the sense that we touch you once and poof, the pain disappears. Definitely not. Healing takes strategy—and different strategies for acute pain vs. chronic pain. A good therapist will walk you through that if you’re open to it.
And please—stay out of the Google doom scroll. Searching every “what-if” about your soreness is a fast track to stress, not recovery. I see it so many times...and it always comes down to me telling them...
"We can always speculate, but we have to focus on what’s actually happening in your body."
Even doctors don’t always have clear answers (trust me, I’ve had my own knee issue that stumped everyone). Pain and healing aren’t always straightforward. They’re about strategy, communication, and being open to possibilities—because sometimes what feels like one thing ends up being something entirely different.
How to Get the Most Out of Deep Tissue
A few tips to make sure your body gets the best from deep work:
Breathe. If you’re holding your breath, that’s your cue the pressure is too much.
Communicate. Good therapists want feedback, tell them you need them to back off the pressure. We won't take offense to it.
Hydrate. Water helps tissues process the work. I always say "Water, Water, Water"
Rest. Treat deep tissue like a workout. Give your body recovery time.
Do your homework. But keep it to baby steps...at least one thing a week will make a difference and just may inspire you to do more!
Final Thoughts
Does deep tissue massage have to hurt?
Not always. And when it does, it should be the right kind of hurt—the kind that leads to release, not resistance.
Deep work is powerful. But the smartest bodywork respects both your muscles and your nervous system. Sometimes that means digging deep. Sometimes that means slowing down. Both can be healing.
Pain is real. Recovery is real. Massage works best when it meets your body where it’s at.
👉 Curious about more myths and truths around deep tissue?
Check out my Deep Tissue Massage FAQ page where I answer everything from soreness timelines to why you sometimes feel flu-like symptoms after a session. Or schedule a session with me!
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